GOP Black Friday Sale

Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.


Went to the GOP Black Friday Sale couple weeks back and got caught in a stampede. Glad that I am back home alive.  Here is a sample of what was on sale. Sincerely hoping you are as eager as me.


To start with, aisle one had a stall selling ever popular Romney flip flops. Of course this has been on sale for quite some time now. Omnipresent, always on sale but somehow not seeing anyone wearing it. One wonders why!


Stall two on aisle one keeps changing. In Harry Potter terms, we could call it the room of non requirement. For a while Ms. Bachmann was selling coupons for free gay therapy sessions. Then she started selling vaccines too. When Perry started selling dope on the side, Ms. Bachmann sales came plummeting down. Lately I heard she has been selling Romney flip flops undercover. 


For a while stall two was occupied by Perry. He was selling dope legally. How you ask. Well, there is this clause in GOP rule book. Call a task legal, illegal, moral, immoral, ethical, unethical. Doesn't matter. If it is done by a "conservative" it is always correct. Sad to hear that Mr. Perry succumbed to his own dope few weeks back.  


When Perry was under dope, the stall got occupied by Cain. The stall was selling 999. No body knew till date what it is. But for some unknown reasons the stall was always occupied by middle aged women crying and screaming. Customers waiting outside the stall felt that they were missing the action and started moving to other stalls. 


Lately that stall has been occupied by Multi-millionaire, multi-wifenaire, multi-ideanaire, multi throatenaire, multi-taskinaire Gingrich the great. I call his stall the magic stall. You ask why. Well, there is literally nothing on sale, but the stall is super popular. All I saw in the stall was a single chair in the middle of an otherwise empty stall, and a huge guy sitting there screaming and shouting at whoever that takes a picture of him or ask him a question. I think he is like a three headed guard dog protecting something special. No wonder the stall is currently the popular attraction in the sale.


Aisle two had some fantastic stalls including Huntsman gooey gooey Ketchups and Santorum's ethical marriage promoting porn shops. But then I was already suffering from extreme brain saturation. 


I am 100% sure I am forgetting something...err someone..please give me a minute. I keep remembering someone standing beside me rambling, complaining about everything, telling how everything has to change, everyone has to change. I am very sure, because my right ear was totally wet from he spitting constantly. He even hit me couple of times on my butt with his cane for not paying attention. Should be some school principal who was visiting the sale I guess. 

Sibal's Utopia

Context:

India's IT and communication minister Kapil Sibal wants companies like Facebook, Google, Yahoo to have employees (live persons) monitoring their websites for "defamatory, violence inciting, derogatory, offensive remarks/content".

Say whatever you want, but I totally agree with Mr. Sibal. Man, he is some genius. He follows the basic scientific solution that suggests that, always fix the root cause rather than trying to solve the symptoms or outcomes.

Now that Mr. Sibal has come up with such a bold altruistic solution which can be even termed self sacrificing to an extent, I think we should help him. Co'mon let us not be biased. Didn't everyone pitch in to occupy New Delhi when Mr. Anna Hazare fought against corruption. How different is this then? Sadly, I am living in US and I can only give ideas rather than be a part of Sibal movement.

I think we should start by banning religion, if Facebook and Google, some mere private companies can have resources to live check all profiles, a country with billion people, we should definitely be able to enforce it. And yea, no religion means no communal riots, no Ayodhya movement, no Babri masjid demolition, no terrorist attacks. And think about all the land that we can acquire by destroying the places of worship. I am sure Mr. Sibal and others in congress would love to invest the billions and odd money that came from the 2G scam invested worthwhile.

How about castrating everyone in India? Isnt that the root cause of the population problem. Man, that means Aadhar  (unique ID program) can be implemented far easily. I am sure Nanden Nilekeni would love that. Also, less population means more food, less inflation, wont this be just fantastic? Fixing the root cause, isn't that what this is all about? Thats exactly what we are doing here. Going in search of the root, into pants and panties.

Now by implementing these ideas, we have reached a utopia already. But for genius of Sibal's calibre nothing is perfect. How about banning sex? You ask why? Well, that means no heterosexuals, homosexuals, transexuals. No gay rights, lesbian rights, bisexual rights to fight for. Civil unions or marriage or live in who cares. Perfect.

Wow, all I did was put myself in Mr. Sibal's shoes for few minutes and brilliant brilliant ideas are oozing out everywhere dripping around me. Mr. Sibal you have shown me the door towards enlightenment. Please consider me as your fan, and if you think I am worth it, please hire me as your secretary. Together we can change the world.

But wait a minute, first come first, before implementing all these ideas, we should do something. Let us make life easy for ourselves first. I know, I know Mr. Anna Hazare has been a real pain in the *ss for you for a while now. Let us make him jobless first. How you ask. Let us ban Congress Party, that means no corruption, no nepotism, no political crooks, no spine less prime ministers and yay, yippee, hurray no Gandhis. Oops, that is going to be problem isn't it? Shooting up yourself through your *ss. Yep, that is exactly how we are going to start with.

மனதில் நின்ற சில வரிகள் (2)

"ஒரு பிள்ளை எழுதும் கிறுக்கல் தான் வாழ்கையா 
அதில் அர்த்தம் தேடி அலைவதே வேட்கையா
அர்த்தம் புரியும் பொது வாழ்வு மாறுதே 
வாழ்வு மாறும் பொது அர்த்தம் மாறுமே"

பாடல் ஆசிரியர்: வைரமுத்து

பாடல் இடம் பெற்ற திரைப்படம்: ராவணன் 

மனதில் நின்ற சில வரிகள் !! (1)

                                                                                       
"அன்பே ஓடோடி
வந்து
என் கண்ணை பார்த்து
காதல் தான் என்று
சொல்லிஎன் காயம் ஆற்று"



பாடல் ஆசிரியர்: தாமரை
பாடல் இடம் பெற்ற திரைப்படம்: விண்ணைத்தாண்டி வருவாயா ?

Whats the point...

Wednesday Dec 09 2009,

Time 8:00 PM

- Came back from YMCA, Checked all my email accounts, knowing well that no new emails will be there, as it was checked just an hour back.

Time 8:15 PM

- Went to WIRED.com and started reading about Cassini Spacecraft's new images of Saturn atmosphere. IMHO Saturn is one of the super cool planets of all solar buddies. Thinking about buying land on one of those rings in future.

Time: 8:40 PM

- Seriously thinking about traveling to Saturn through warp drive, sincerely hoping that Star Trek will recruit me.

Time 8:45 PM

- Suddenly felt like being dropped from the sky. For warp drive is not possible, atleast for now. Last I saw no noble scientists are working on it. Only star trek geeks talk about it. Decided that its time to take up the task to my own hands.

Time 8:50 PM

- Again felt like falling from the sky. Stupid menial brains of mine, not worth for even as dog meat. Started missing Alby..err...Einstein. If at all he was alive, I need not wait on these fellas in CERN for figuring out god particles. I am angry now.

Time: 8:55 PM

- Reading theory of relativity for nth time.....and then stars.... and then big bang theory...and then black holes....then again space time curve...finally making my brains work hard to think about "what is space". I can feel like my brain is squeezed. If brain was a seperate person he would say constipation is the most appropriate word for this.

Time: 9:00 PM

- Going through what Dr. Gregory House says loss of life management. Starting with denial, goin to anger, jumping on to bargaining and finally diving into depression.

Time 9:30 PM

- Thats half an hour.. lying on my couch, on my stomach, philosophizing, parallely my stomach is growling for it needs food. I think brain and stomach of our body are like husband and wife. You get the point...

Time 9:35 PM

- Earth's ground rules (may be universe's)..."Wife always wins"... Filled my plate with food, heated it up in microwave, enspaced myself into the realms of www again. I am telling ya..it COULD be the new age satan

Time: 9:45 PM

- Time to read daily happenings. Its necessary, what if suddenly you are made the President of the world or something..I know I know no such posts exists, bbbbuut then always be prepared, thats what mom says.

Time: 9:46 PM

- Time reports, Palin complains about moving "In god we trust" words in US currency to the corner from center, blames it as usual on Obama (her new age Satan :D ).

- The Indianexpress.com says, Telengana people wants seperate state from Andhra Pradesh in India. Central government concedes. Now Ghorka people, Uttar pradesh people wants seperate states.

Time: 9:55 PM

- Good,  called my mom at home, India, asked her if we could have our house in India declared as a seperate country or something, She agrees. For now I am going to create a flag and hoist it on my house roof. My mom thinks, the flag should have a image of my dad. I accept her proposal. Thats democracy, see..I am not a commie yet.

Time: 10:05 PM

- Couldn't resist laughing. Brain relives the past 2 hours.. all my body organs are laughing individually. My brain is bleeding sarcasm. Stepped outside of earth, looking at it from sky....now I am laughing at it. Asking the people...

Whats the point ?!?!

My bits

So the mega election exercise that stretched for more than a month now is finally over. The CEC is the man of the moment now. And every one ranging from regional, national news papers to astrologers to psephologists to satta markets are making some sort of a prediction regarding who is going to win and who is going to occupy the coveted seats of Raisina Hill.
And as a responsible citizen who would love to vote but not given the option (non resident Indians dont have any means to vote), I think I atleast have the right to make some predictions.
Here is what I think,
1. The third front is gone, if Mr. Karat still believes that he can keep his flock together and bring a third front coalition to power, I think he is day dreaming. Something extraordinary has to happen, meaning both Congress and BJP has to win less than half the seats together.
2. I am giving 50% chance to each NDA and UPA for forming the government. I still think there is a big possibility for Mr.Advani to become the Prime minister of India. The possibility that NDA can repeat 1998 by bringing the same flock back together is very high. The one fact that is missing is most of the writings out there is the difference in how NDA and UPA treated their partners. Congress and its leaders are still not in terms with the fact that they can never enjoy the majorites that they enjoyed a decade ago. Their day dreaming, majority hangover will never allow them to treat smaller political parties with dignity (whether they deserve it or not is a different question). And that is why I think NDA still has the chances although BJP might fall short of congress in seat numbers. The possibility that TDP, AIADMK, TRS, Trinamool Congress, BJD even NCP moving to NDA is very high. Think about it, higher possibility of forming a govt where you can enjoy power for 5 years or settling for a unstable coalition which would result in election in the next 2 years... you choose..Small parties dont like elections...reason is simple..Money.
3. If UPA forms the government its not going to happen without Mr. Karat's blessings and the price here will be NO to Mr. Singh. If congress wants to keep Mr. Singh as PM it needs more than 170 seats on its own which is not going to happen or the left should be totally routed out bringing their tally to less than 30 seats. So who I think are the next possible UPA candidates.. it could be any one from the list Mr. Anthony, Mr. Mukherjee or Mr Chidambaram. Again Mrs. Gandhi might pull a humdinger like bringing Mrs. Patil as president from no where.
Adding one more caveat, any coalition with BSP will go down in drain in couple of years. Nothing against Ms. Mayavati, its just that past history along with party culture doesnt help.

Indian Obamas

Have been seeing quite a list of articles on when will India have her Obama. Yes, if I want to take a cynical perspective on Indian politics or tech sector, the one thing that pops up immediately is that we, Indians are good at mimicking ! No wonder, I am seeing articles like this in the main stream media after Mr. Obama's recent win. Looks like Mr. Obama's win does have some effect on not just MSM but on Indian politicans as well. So much that, our foreign read forever incubated forever shielded representative of "Young India" (Oh I am sure he will represent young India even for my grand kids), yes, yes I am talking about Mr. Rahul Gandhi, started to follow some tactics of the Chicago politician. Not sure whether it is to rejuvenate India or to rejuvenate his sagging political career, if at all there exists one in the first place ! And that, is a different topic which I am going to leave it for some other day.
Somehow, the idea of having an African- American minority as the president of US, made the main stream Indian media start talking about a Muslim prime minister for India or christian prime minister for India. However, I cannot really see a comparison between US and India on this issue. In fact the parliamentary democracy of India makes it more workable for us to elect a minority prime minister than for US to elect one. In plain speaking language, if Ms. Sonia Gandhi wanted she could get a minority prime minister (In fact Dr. Manmohan Singh is a minority prime minister, and I do not really understand why for the Indian media its always the Muslims who are the minority and all others in fact do not even exist), she could get a woman president, and it does not really matter who the people elected or wanted. Yes, yes, we are proud to be the worlds' largest "democracy". BTW, thinking about the bashing Ms. Palin got from media, it would have been more fun to watch Ms. Prathibha Patil as VP for Mr. McCain. If you are going to ask me Ms. Prathibha who....yea she is the Indian president.
So, back to the topic electing an minority prime minister for India is not really as daunting a task when compared to electing an African American for US presidency. However, if at all I have to define an equivalent daunting task for India, it would be electing a prime minister or to be more precise selecting a prime minister who did not achieve his political victory using muscle power or gunda power, who does not belong to any religious or fundamentalist cult group or who does not believe in money power and is corruption free. If India can elect such a prime minister, I would call him Obama of India. Thinking about it, Dr. Manmohan Singh does fall under this category, but we all know who the puppet is who the key holder is !!!